3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
