this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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