2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
