I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize