Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
