Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
