does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
