Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
