I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
