We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
