so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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