Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
