she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
