Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
