If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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