Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Small penises have feelings too.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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