Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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