we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize