I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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