Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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