I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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