My balls are so social today.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
