so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
