what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
