Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
