Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize