i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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