so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
