Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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