Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
