: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize