tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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