he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
this hospital has no fireball
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize