I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
