I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
birth control should be required to get into college
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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