I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
