he told me I talked like a deaf person
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
