I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
