I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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