I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just cropdusted the office
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize