listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
