I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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