Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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