she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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