i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
