wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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