I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
