what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize