Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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