Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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