susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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