watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
