He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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