Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
