I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
