Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
