Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
soo... how was my night?
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