someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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