My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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