i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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