I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
