Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize