She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
