I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
