Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
