theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
