So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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