He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
