apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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