lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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