If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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