You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
