the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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