i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize