someone threw a dead crab at me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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