You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
