No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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