the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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