so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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