I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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