I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Im part way to drunk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
