"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
