Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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