She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
MIDGETS
????
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
