is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
