youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
