I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
