HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
