She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
