someone get that fucking seahorse.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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