I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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