What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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