Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
