I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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