that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
