Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
