i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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